To Have what we Want

I know that the Lord knows better than me what I really want. Sometimes it is really hard to trust Him so completely though.

Over a week ago Grandma Spendlove was dying. She wanted so desperately to die that she gave up food and water to hasten her passing. She had a blessing and prayed also that she would go quickly. It was just over a week since that time that she finally passed away. Mommalee was able to be with her when she passed away and got to spend the final hours of her mother's mortal life with her.

She wanted so badly to go! Why did she have to wait? Here's the very true, but often bitter answer: I don't know. I doubt anyone knows for certain. We may never know. Perhaps there was some final words of comfort, some situation in someone else's life, some resolution in herself... any thing really that happened during those days to fulfill her mission or to help someone else.

All I can say is that I'm sure now that she has finally made it to her dear husband's side that she can be grateful for anything she had to go through to get back there. In my young age I hope desperately to not be left alone in this life, but I know that if I do I will be grateful to make it back to Michael's side, no matter how long or how difficult it is to get there.
I guess what I'm really thinking through here is the fact that we know what we want, but at the same time we really don't. I think of what I wanted 10, 5, even 2 years ago. If I had what I wanted then, could I have what I have now that is so much more than I would have even known to hope for? I am not saying that hopes and dreams are wrong or pointless or anything like that, I'm just saying that as long as we do what is right and we ask for those things that we want and accept with gratitude all that we are given we will discover that what we wanted is a stepped on jelly bean and what we can have, with patience, is a lavish three tiered chocolate cake. With no calories, of course :P

Just because the answer is to wait a while or even if the answer is no keep the faith! Watch for what is coming around the corner! In the end I'm sure you wouldn't trade a few moments (in the eternal perspective -- possibly years or even a lifetime in mortal perspective) of suffering to get what we thought we wanted.

Did that make any sense? I started with an idea and wandered around until it made sense to me, but that doesn't' mean I got my point across, lol. Good luck figuring it out I guess!
Love to Grandpa and Grandma Spendlove and all those who have passed before us who have paved the way for us now.