Candids: Day 7

Your Dream Wedding

There are so many variations in something as major as a wedding -- casual? formal? summer? winter? outside? inside? etc.  There are too many "favorites" or "dreams" to pick just one! 

I have been married now for 9 years, 9 months, and 28 days.  I don't plan to ever do it again, and I do dream of my wedding, so it must have been my dream wedding :)  Here are my dreams, and my actualities:

Who: Well, I wanted to marry someone who would treat me well no matter what.  A guy who loved his family, particularly his mother, despite any flaws they may have.  I wanted someone who could make me laugh and who accepted me "warts and all".  I got that.  All that I wanted and more.

 What: I wanted more than just a "till death do us part" wedding.   I want to be with my husband and our children for all eternity.  Only through the sacred ordinances of the temple could that happen.  We both have worked our lives to be worthy and ready for an eternal commitment.  I love knowing that no matter what happens, we've always got each other.

Where: When I was in High School they were building a new temple in town!  It wasn't far from the school actually.  I saw the bride's preparation room during the open house of the temple and sang in a youth choir outside during part of the open house.  Fortunately my fiance loved that temple as much as I did.  We were married in the Mount Timpanogos Temple in American Fork, UT.

Yup, I was skinny then.

When:  In this day and age when morality is skewed to a point where sexual activity outside of marriage is accepted and generally expected, living a virtuous life is hard.  The longer you're together with someone you love the harder it will inevitably become.  Therefore, the "when" wasn't based on what flowers would be in bloom, when so-and-so's aunt could come visit, or when I might fit into one size smaller.  It was based on when we were ready to make this eternal commitment and not a day later if we could help it!  By local custom our engagement was fairly long -- 5 1/2 months.  But we lived up to our promises.  We scheduled for when I had a break in school (I was in college).  It was a very busy day at the temple because there were lots of other couples on the same timetable.  It was a beautiful day in December and I wouldn't have wished it different.

There were some aspects of the wedding day which may have been different if I was living a "no limit" sort of life.  We knew we didn't have a huge budget to work with and we prided ourselves in our frugality.  Nobody would have guessed how fiscally responsible we were!  I had a large glass apple cider jug I'd been throwing spare change into for years that I cashed in.  I designed, patterned, and made my own wedding dress.  I had previously helped a friend out buy sewing the bridesmaids dresses for her wedding and her family sent me a gift certificate to a fabric store as a thank-you.  I used the gift certificate and the change jug to pay for my wedding dress and Michael's wedding ring.  We had some connections and got it at wholesale price.  We held the reception in the church cultural hall complete with basketball hoops.  That wouldn't have been my first choice, but with a little creativity it totally worked.  We dimmed the lights and used a great deal of white Christmas lights and electric candles (no flames allowed of course) to make the space more intimate.  We also rigged up hundreds of tissue paper snowflakes (many hand-cut!) to hang in a canopy across the room.  It looked more like a winter wonderland and less like Tuesday-night basketball.  It was beautiful.  

I could go on and on, but most of you who will even read this were there :P

So: If I had all the money in the world would it have been exactly the same?  Probably not.  But I hope it would have been very similar.  It was a wonderful day that accomplished everything necessary and more.

Candids: Day 6

A photo of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet.

I love animals.  I grew up with lots of animals around.  We had a cat who was a superb mouser (there are certain joys of living in an old farmhouse, one of which involves loving having a good mouser).  We always (not literally, just in my memory) had at least one dog.  We often had some variety of snakes, frogs, lizards, and aquatic critters.  I believe there was a hamster or two.  A few times we even did orphanage service to lambs.  The lambs that were either without a mother or for some reason the mother couldn't/wouldn't care for the lamb.  We'd bottle feed them, keep them warm, give them exercise, and all that good stuff.  They were lots of fun (even though sometimes I was scared of them).

But what about now?  Well, right now we're renters still, so what we want doesn't get to have much input on how life is lived.  And Michael absolutely does NOT want to ever have a dog.  Sad, but I guess I'm fine with not having poop to clean up in the yard.  In the last couple of years my crazy body became highly allergic to cats.  We always thought we'd have a cat, but those are right out now.  Even if I became un-allergic to cats I'd be worried about getting one because I couldn't stand the thought of having to give it up if my allergies returned.  And I can't live life with blistered eyeballs, rashes, and sneezing every three seconds. 

There is an animal I'd like a few of.  It woudln't be cheap to get it started, but if we had the set-up I'd like then we'd have a few fun little pets , no need for chemical fertilizers ever, and fresh eggs.  I bet you can guess what it is.  Cause I don't know many animals people may keep around that they'd want fresh eggs from.

I'd love to have an "ark" chicken coop -- it's the kind that is mobile.  You move it every couple of days so there's not a lot of poop to clean up in any one spot.  Instead you get your grass fertilized one section at a time and the chickens have a fresh spot to pick bugs and other nom noms from.  I saw a set up available for sale off craigslist a few months ago, but they wanted something like a thousand bucks for their complete set.  I know quite a few people actually who have chickens and really enjoy it.  I am technically allergic to feathers, but they'd be outside so it wouldn't be a problem for me like a shedding cat would.  I just have a strict no rooster policy.  I like my sleep.  And my neighbors. 

Drumroll, please.....

Most of you should know this already.  In fact, I think most of the developed world knows this already!  (Sorry for calling you at 2am, Mom!)  But I am going to post here also so there are no excuses for family and friends not knowing:

Final pathology finally got back from Stanford yesterday.  And today happened to also be my post-op appointment with my surgeon.  When the tumor was removed they were sure it was a GIST -- gastro-intestinal stromal tumor.  We spent weeks believing this to be the truth.  Over and over they assured us that all we were waiting for was details on how bad it was.  We had arrangements made to get an appointment with a good oncologist.  We knew the options for treatment and understood the best and worst case scenarios.  Then pathology still wasn't back.  And then they requested the rest of my slides.  And we kept waiting.

Finally we got answers today.  The GIST is not a GIST.  Instead it is a benign fibromatosis.  Benign being the key word here.  It is NOT cancer!!!!!

Fibromatosis is the new name for what was once called a desmoid tumor.  This is one of the things that was initially suggested as a possibility of what was growing in my belly.  Being benign it does not metastasize - meaning that it does not send off mean cells to grow more tumors elsewhere.  It is a localized tumor.  Fibromatosis is considered an aggressive tumor because it can grow into other things and make them cranky (like intestines).  It is also possible for more to show up later.  But not such a high likelihood that there's a need to keep an eye on it in any special way.  Basically if I ever develop symptoms of another mass they'd look into it and if another one showed up they'd do surgery again.  Not a big deal, though.  Not cancer.

I'm still in pain.  I spent most of Sunday in the ER for severe abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, etc.  They checked into everything closely.  It looks like I have a partial or early small bowel obstruction/distention.  Perhaps an ileus -- a sleepy bit of bowel after all the medications, anesthesia, surgeries, etc.  It should work itself out, but in the mean time I'm sticking to a pretty cautious diet, moving as much as possible, and keeping a close eye on things.  If the pain doesn't work itself out they said they'd have to admit me (no thank you!!!) for pain control and to watch more closely in case there's a hidden abscess or something, which is the danger they're worried about.  I think the incision is healing really well.  I think I just need to give my body a chance to heal with enough activity to keep things moving the right direction.

While we were never worried about this being a danger to my life there has been plenty of concern over lifestyle, I guess you could call it.  Would our next weeks, months, or perhaps longer be interrupted by more doctor's appointments, medication with awful side effects, or worse?  Would I need to be an armchair-mother for another indeterminate period of time?  Having this positive lab result has taken a huge weight off our shoulders.  It will still be a few more weeks before I'm truly recovered from this surgery.  But I *will* recover and this will be done.  We can move on from this without having to keep one eye over our shoulder.

I know that much, if not all, of this good news can be attributed directly to the Lord's hand in my life.  I have had a priesthood blessing which immediately removed all our fears for the worst.  I have had so many family  members and friends who have prayed for me and my family and fasted for us as well.  My case is being presented this week to the Tumor Conference as a caution against over-diagnosing GISTs.  I think that the real lesson, however, is that the Lord still performs miracles.  Even for me. 

Candids: Day 5

A photo of yourself 2 years ago.

Just before I cut got a major haircut.  My hair is just a bit longer than that now.  Still need to tidy my eyebrows ;)  I often wish I spent more energy on things like eyebrow-plucking and chap-stick applying.  Oh well.  You can't claim I'm not "real"!

Candids: Day 4

Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

This is me with my best friend ever before I met Michael.  Her name is Molly and we grew up across the street and a couple of houses down from each other.  When we moved from Oregon we kept in touch for a little while, but inevitably lost contact.  Molly's family is Catholic and I remember a few times going to her Catholic school programs and she sometimes came to my primary activities.  I have missed her.  When I was 4 years old and our house burned down in the middle of winter the highlight for me was that we got to spend the night at Molly's house.  Her older brother had been out to a party and saw the fire engines.  Their family was first to gather us up off the street corner and snuggle all 10 of us into their family room.  We had hot chocolate even, and I got to borrow a pink bathrobe.  Funny the things we remember.

 

I'm not really very good at the "best friends" thing.  Michael is truly my best friend and always will be.  Other than him, though, I have a lot of friends, but nobody I can rely on in quite the same way.  I am hesitant to invest so much in a relationship with a friend after being burned or left behind too many times.  So instead I think I sometimes get the stigma of being snobbish, unfriendly, or whatnot.  In reality I'm just high anxiety and a big bundle of nerves.  I'd rather hide than mess something up.

Here's a sweet picture, though, of something that makes me smile:

Michael did driving-duty getting Sabrina to and from preschool this morning.  When he brought her home it was taking a long time for them to come in after I'd heard them pull in.  They brought in these three roses off our bushes around the driveway.  Last week he brought in two other ones and they're finally completely gone.  I love the slight waft of real fresh roses!  It makes me smile.

Candids: Day 3

Your idea of the perfect first date:

The perfect first date is one that doesn't have to happen.  First dates are usually so uncomfortable.  You're trying to get to know someone and decide if it's even worth it to get to know them better.  I have had some really brilliant moments on first dates where I look back and wonder what on earth I was thinking! 

(We're the two in white shirts at the back)

Michael and I never really had a first date.  I mean, technically we did because that's the way numbers work, but we never had the awkward "would you like to go out with me" sort of event.  We got to know each other by  hanging out with mutual friends.  We were friends with no intentions of dating.  When we surprised ourselves by flirting back and forth it wasn't the usual "so where does your family live?"  "what do you like to do in your spare time?" situation.  We already knew all that.  There was the usual should I hold her hand? did he just lean my way on purpose? sorts of moments, but they were involved in every-day matters, not technical dates.  It made it much more comfortable for both of us.  Our "first date" was weeks after our first kiss which was months after we'd become friends.

I look forward to never having a first date again!

Candids: Day 2

A photo of something you ate today.

I love the Super Nachos from Betos.  I always request the chips on the side because one order of it feeds me for at least two full meals.  These were leftovers from a couple of nights ago.  I love these cause they're fresh chips, browned/seasoned/diced beef, fresh guacamole and salsa (there is always a pile of avocado, onion, and tomato boxes behind the store), sour cream, real shredded cheese, and refried beans.  None of that junk you get at other fast Mexican places.
Nom nom nom!